Triggered Trauma

Feeling a bit traumatized which is causing me a bit of a stress. And yes, that is why I am here of course. For the second time in my life, childhood trauma was triggered. I don’t blame it all with my summer romance, but somehow one of the factor that contributes to my emotional stress for the time being.

My only Life’s nightmare : (broken family, broken marriage, broken relationships)

I live a very colorful childhood life. Having a broken family has a little effect on my childhood days because I still have the right people around me with so much love and support from my grannies. Never felt abandoned, in fact they do so much to spoil us with emotional and material needs. I may not be aware but for some factors it is a hidden trauma during my childhood days that is not yet transparent for me to recognize or even feel. Emotional feelings during my childhood days are not that too vulnerable. Because I get all the attention, care and love from my grandparents. Nothing is lacking in my life even without my parents. To say the least, I grew up not a rebel child but a goal oriented intelligent child.

Emotional trauma started when relationships seems not to always work out. Worst, when marriage seems not to work out either. A stressful experience which did not lead to lasting emotional damage. Mind you, it was quite a very struggling experience. I am one of the people who rebounds quickly from not so good experiences even maybe shocking ones… after a lot of long thoughts. It appears to be less upsetting when I seem to get a better understanding of the situation of what I have been going through. And I am not devastated about it, instead I see things in a more wide perspective. It’s always on a positive outlook so I can look forward into something new.

Relationship is very important to me but I have bad judgement decisions when it comes to relationship. Love becomes my addiction. I settle for less than what I deserve, Not good, I know. It is a bad behavior and I am trying hard as I still am working on it. Being too emotionally attached is my weakness. I hate it. That’s basically the only reason why I scare people away. That’s the reason why a guy suddenly just disappear and always leave me wondering what the hell happened. Being a love addict, I tend to strongly attract emotionally unavailable guy. I give so much love, attention, trust, so much passion and all. Sounds pathetic and sucks the hell out of me. It becomes a vicious cycle that needs to be stopped! I maybe always allowing someone to abuse my weakness and vulnerability.

The childhood hidden trauma in me was triggered. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to think, feel, or respond to trauma, so I don’t judge my own reactions or those of other people. It seems NORMAL reactions to ABNORMAL events. Yet, I still feel the need of fixing something within me…The balance of feeling love and giving love. I should give up my love addiction 🙂

EMOTIONAL STATUS:  feeling traumatized and strong will of fix…I am doing something about it. Feelings typically last from a few days to a few months and I feel I am almost getting over it, gradually fading as I process the trauma until I hardly notice it is totally gone. Yet even when I’m feeling better, I may be troubled from time to time as long as I live by painful memories or emotions—especially in response to triggers cannot be 100% perfectly avoided. What matters is to remind myself how I get over it, do it something for me to bounce back. I so much appreciate sometimes my strong sense of self motivation during this kind of situation. It helps me easily cope up with a smile.


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