I’m A Love Addict?

Is there such a thing as being addicted to Love?

SEX AND LOVE ADDICTION also known as SLA. It’s a progressive illness that will get worse if it isn’t checked. Some SLA sufferers have a sex addiction, some have a love addiction. I just know that I am addicted to love but not sex!?!

But here’s more for me to read:
Sex and love addiction is quite often the two are intertwined (Ooooppss). Sex and love addiction takes a variety of forms, including a compulsive need for sex, becoming sexually involved or emotionally attached to people without knowing them, extreme dependency on one or many people, and a preoccupation with romance and fantasy. Individuals may confuse love with sexual attraction, search continually for relationships and sexual contact. They may use sex and emotional involvement to manipulate others or as a substitute for nurture and support. Some return to destructive relationships for fear of being alone. Others attach themselves to people who are emotionally unavailable in order to avoid responsibility. Sex and love addicts will often starve themselves of sexual and emotional involvement, mistaking abstention as recovery.

The label of  ‘addiction’ doesn’t excuse anything. Addiction is anything we do to avoid taking responsibility for our feelings and the resulting behavior. It centers around choice, it is not about an illness that is ‘happening’ to you, and therefore cannot be used as an excuse. Addictions are a result, not a cause. A lack of courage to face painful feelings head on—to learn from them with love and compassion rather than avoid them with various addictions.

I need to breathe…there is nothing much for me to say to argue with the statement. The only thing I can say I am in and out being mildly addicted to LOVE ALONE. I don’t have these other symptoms like excessive self-stimulation, compulsive use of pornography, multiple extra-marital affairs or one-night stands. Just the love feeling that makes me high.

Hmmm…it was a very bad behavior. Partially true, maybe. I am addicted to Love. Emotional involvement is out of my league cause being easily attached is my weakness. No commitment rule. So I get away from addiction to avoid pain and fear of being abandoned and that caused anger, depression, anxiety, guilt, shame and emptiness, which then led to more addictive behavior. My addiction was not the primary cause of pain, but the result of self-abandonment. SELF-ABANDONMENT is THE underlying cause of addiction. Although confusing but I seem to get the gist of it.

Whatever! I am over it a long time ago and getting all the love from all the people around me. It is not merely based on partner relationship alone. If you learn to open up yourself with unconditional love, all things fall into the right place. So I have been sober for almost a long time. 🙂

But what is so depressing is, when you are about to face your fears something still unacceptable happens. My Karma! A very funny devastating jab to my face. I don’t want to get into details. Something like…

“We’ve been friends for a very long time. I want to meet you this summer. A summer saying, We go beyond romance. We are the perfect couple, we’re just not in the perfect situation. We had something in common. I had a feeling that something big was going to happen. To both of us. That we were, in fact, meant to be together. But nothing ever did happen between us. I don’t think you ever realized how much I loved you, and how much you could love me back but you decided to end things that way for whatever reason. You said it is you not me. Best for your current state of mind and work status…”

THE HELL! That I realized that I am so damn fucked up. Crazily messed up. You don’t let people in. It’s hard for you, and once you do, you are just starting to enjoy everything. And when they fuck up, you’re like, “Why did you do that to me? I gave you my feelings, I did everything for you and you screwed me over.” That used to be my reaction way back when I am so much addicted to love. I am already sober, right. My confrontation is communicate openly with so much understanding and patience without any bitterness or blame. That’s me being a renewed advocate of love. 🙂 Letting him know what I really feel. That I have so much joy and never felt alive again. That I thought there is something to look forward to a deeper intimate thing but if he choose for us to have a platonic relationship, I totally respect his decision.

The sex is so good that I almost felt it was the most passionate love making I have ever engaged into. Damn, so full of emotions! I should not let it take over my mind, I may end up stimulating myself compulsively or even have that booty friend make sex with me over the phone. Just a thought! But you know what’s the most terrifying thing about admitting that you’re in love? You’re just naked. You put yourself in harm’s way and you lay down all your defenses. No clothes, no weapons, nowhere to hide, completely vulnerable. The only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe the other person loves you back and you can trust him not to hurt you…that’s my instinct. I felt and believe it…the depressing part is being involve with someone with  emotional baggage because I have it too! So we’re both FUCKED UP!

So it all boils down to nothing but acceptance. The big question is what’s next? Any plan? Defenseless and hopeless as I may seem, I have emotional baggage too and the only thing it requires for me to keep my sanity is to take good care of myself. I just feel so blessed, I still have that chance of erasing self abandonment. A chance for me to straightened things out. I am still lucky that God loves me. That’s the only love I need for now.

The goal recovery is different to those of other addictions. The goal isn’t for the individual to abstain from sex or love for the rest of their life; it’s to be able to sustain healthy sexual and emotional relationships. The first step is to get the addict to stop his or her behavior and that does normally involve a period of abstinence which helps the individual get to the root of the addiction.

FUNNY STATUS UPDATE:
Girl addicted to love is looking for a Guy addicted to love also. So let us shower one another with so much love. 🙂

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