“Is it wrong to ask, to expect?”
Many relationships begin on a note of casualty somewhere, but over the time you just don’t realize when you have fallen big time for someone. The matter of commitment is very difficult to put forward in front of your partner, partly because you’re NOT ready for the answer and you do NOT know if it is the right time to broach this topic. But there comes where you couldn’t care less to being considered “pushy”, “demanding”, “sensitive” and all of those terminologies. You just want to know the damn truth, and above all, where is all this leading…Some may commit, others may freak out…but what if he tells you he loves you but cannot commit. The pendulum of your mind stops oscillating, you don’t know what to expect, and you don’t know what you’re supposed to do. Appreciate him for his honesty or hate him for keeping you hanging in there?
What are you supposed to do with the answer that’s a cross between a ‘Yes’ and a ‘No’. Your practical side and your friends tell you “He is not worth it”, but a part of you that is grown to love him tells you “Give another try, may be he will realize”. And there you put yourself out there for him, trying harder and harder. But can you really change the uncertainty of some one’s mind??? If yes, then for how long? Is he fine seeing you with someone in case you choose to give up?
Lost in my thoughts I wonder probably love is so over exaggerated by the world, I feel like evacuating the primitive poets who made us believe in love for ever. Made us wishful of finding “it” with the right person- the person is right but the “it” is missing!! Or the entire ‘programmed crap’ is an illusion. Wake me up, please.
But seriously why won’t they commit? The male species top the list for being confused! Yes, they are! They do not know what they want. Frankly they cannot understand the difference between the types of “love” they feel. Probably they just love you as a close friend but they could never understand the feeling. Another reason would be that the guy feels that you can never share same life goals. He thinks you are just too “naïve” or dumb” to understand his plans of achieving greater glories which definitely I AM NOT. Or, simply because he thinks you lack some important qualities he wants in his future partner. Whichever reason you are at the receiving end? Maybe I am not good enough. I doubt.
Sadly, you don’t know if you should wait for him to realize, or just move on? No one can tell. But the mess it leaves your mind is undeniable. It’s a tearing situation. Frankly you wish you had known him bit better before you let the doors of your heart wide open. Certain actions are irrevocable to many!
Now, I don’t know what to feel. Maybe I am starting to get numb.