There is no rush in a commitment and only fools rush in…
There is a popular joke today saying that commitment phobia is nearly as common as chickenpox among kids. The anxiety, also known as fear of commitment or commitment anxiety, refers to tendency to avoid permanent relationships.
For all I know, I am just not ready for a relationship nor commitment but I longed somehow in my life to have a permanent relationship. I try to recall from that past if I have a slight fear of commitment and can’t remember any. Instead, I still have the courage even I experienced a lot of issues in the past. And remember, I am addicted to love, fear is out of the blue 🙂 but I’ve been in a lot of thinking lately for better understanding and patience and of course strength.
The End of my Roller Coaster Ride
Having mutual relationship with someone with anxiety commitment sucks the whole energy of me. (I am fully charged now!) When I thought all was going alright and when I know it is ready to move to the next stage…I got nothing but “let’s just be friends.” Men always try to bend conversation topics that led to the idea of “stepping forward.”
Out of curiosity, I just need to know and understand what I’d been through. Forgive me for my addiction of also craving for knowing and understanding things. “Heart” is so dumb-numb to comprehend a matter of emotions that’s why my “smart brain” is finding ways to teach the “heart” a lesson to learn.
The experience of somewhat being in a “Reality TV Show”
Many mistake hot passion in the bedroom for a sign that the guy is present and all yours. This is not always the case. A commitment phobic man can be very very passionate in the bedroom. So shitty good to get carried away. It’s his only outlet for intimacy and even commitment phobics need love.
One thing is for sure. If you are dating a commitment phobe man, over giving, which I only give much time, care and attention. A man like this needs a strong independent woman to lead him to commitment.
My dizzy turmoil feelings
Often when you date a commitment phobe, you are unsure where you stand. You don’t know how he feels. When you are together it seems so great. The connection and chemistry feels so right. It’s the time when you are apart that your head spins too fast and when it stops for a sec, I end up saying (what the fuck was that?)
REALITY VS. FACT – is there a difference?
Commitment phobic men leave you wondering when you are apart. Sure he contacts you or may stay in touch, but there is something that is missing. You just don’t feel a part of his life completely. You feel like he isn’t letting you in his heart. And it is really a bad timing when he is just busy enough. Leave him be and I am now used to not waiting anymore cause I am back to my more busy life. Poke me when you are no longer busy and I will poke you back. It works like facebook now.
When dating a commitment phobe, you can’t push him. To do so only pushes him away. If you ask where you stand he is going to tap dance around the subject. Don’t waste your time with words on this man. Words don’t reach him. I pushed too hard cause I only want to know where I stand not really to get into commitment or anything…I am not a puppy that can just sit and stay when being told so. At least I need to know.
Commitment phobic men fear the loss of their freedom and they fear it a lot. The more questions you ask, the more you push, the more he feels this fear. Pushing him threatens his freedom in the worst of ways. If you are dating this commitment phobe, stop with the questions now. I did and maybe I am too late. All things has been said and done. I don’t know what happens now. I am not worried about it anymore. I acknowledged and willing to face any consequences. My sense of pride and ego was compromised.
Men who fear commitment have to be reached on a deeper level. The fear of losing you has to become greater than that fear of losing his freedom. He needs to feel a deep emotional attraction to you to commit. Questions and pushing and clinging tighter will not create that attraction. Damaged has been done. Undermined relationship was the result which I did not intend to. I thought I could fix it, I screw it even more and I screw things a lot!
You have to make him feel safe. Making him feel safe takes time. It is not done with words but with actions. Now this does not mean being a doormat. Quite the opposite. Taking care of everything means making him safe. I am not sure if that’s the same.
He needs to know that your entire universe does not revolve around him. He needs to know that he isn’t responsible for your happiness. In other words, you need to have your own life. This way he does feel safe. He doesn’t fear you will fall apart if he screws up. The result, he respects you more and screws up less. I was affected and the feelings of confusion consumed me. My anxiety issues from the past was triggered. In short, I was so full of shit mess, trying to figure things out to easily bounce back. Glad, I am now and the blame is all on me. It is a part of myself that is too weak and too vulnerable when getting to emotionally attached then things go wrong. With contemplation and will power to cope up, I am now getting myself back.
Dating a commitment phobic man requires a unique kind of woman, one that is patient, firm, and knows how to build that deep emotional attraction. That attachment that the commitment phobic man learns that he doesn’t want to live without. Less expectation is much better for now! my attention has been diverted. My definition of Life Struggle is: choose to be happy with all the positive thoughts, love and respect to be the person who I really am.
After all my issue is not the Fear Commitment, I am willing to commit but the fear of not being loved in return and the fear of abandonment is the one causing my anxiety especially if I get too emotionally attached. I give all of me! We have our own fears that differs from our own life’s experiences. I guess after all the understandings about “the fear”, I rest my case will all due respect. Chain reaction was the triggering case why anxiety strikes and the only thing I could ask for is also respect. I am not that perfect nor even a saint to be just ok with everything. There’s always an initial reaction just learn from the mistakes as not to happen again.
We are all victims of the past. Dwelling in the past doesn’t make us a better person. It gives us a lot of baggage that will not allow us to get to where we wanted to go and what we would like to happen in our lives. I learned the hard way on how to drop the baggages one at a time, it allows me to easily move, feel at ease that gives me focus on what I want my life be.
Happy Sunday to all!
- Commitment-phobia… (myworldmyvoice.wordpress.com)
- Fear Of Getting Old, Alone (bumpyswings.wordpress.com)
- People don’t fear being committed, they fear being abandoned. (teressaceeblog.com)
- Emotionally Unavailable: When Someone Walks Away (bumpyswings.wordpress.com)
- Can You Tell If I Like You? (marvcabrera.com)
- Fear of Commitment, Fear of Intimacy. ~ Margaret Paul (elephantjournal.com)